My encounter with the third sex

Have you ever encountered the third sex?

I have. 

By encounter, I mean physical touch – sudden and unforeseen. Here's how.

A few days ago, just before the Puja rush took over the city, I was on my way to Golpark to a tailoring shop. I had dumped a few saris to be hemmed along the sides. Also, I had a few matching blouses to collect. It had rained earlier in the day and the evening was damp.

Golpark, as the name suggests has a round green patch as an island in the middle of bustling traffic on all sides. I have often passed gardeners working at the overgrown shrubbery, which surprisingly sprouts a sparkling statue of Swami Vivekananda from its belly. Just across the road stands the Ramkrishna Mission, founded by the legendary Indian monk in the memory of his mentor Sri Ramkrishna Paramhansdeva, the Hindu mystic priest. The statue is a token of respect to the disciple.

Image courtesy: Internet

There is a library inside the mission. I used to be a member of the library once upon a time, as a student of the Jadavpur University department of English. The membership was more of a signature gesture to belong to a group that went in solidarity looking for books on the mahogany shelves. Having realized that there was little that the building housed that could be of use to me, I quit going. Not of course, before being warned by the librarians that sleeping in the hall was not allowed!

Anyway, so here I was on the 5th or the 6th day of October this year (my memory always fails dates), marching along the road opposite the mission. To give you a clearer picture, there is no road exactly opposite to any here since Golpark makes a perfect circle with roads going round it and then moving out in several directions, just as spokes emerge out of a wheel.

So I was walking down the other side of the mission, a footpath that is crowded on one side by local florists. That is the place you would usually want to be if you are looking for a quick bouquet of home-grown flowers – rajanigandha, golaap, bel, jui, podmo, etc. White for a funeral, red for a wedding, and maybe pink and yellow for birthdays. And as I said it had drizzled all day, lending a heavy humid air to the surrounding. Add to that the fragrance of the flowers, now sporting pearls of rainwater on them, glistening in the street lights. The footpath is laced by shops on the other side – stationery, sweets, watchmakers. And passers-by. Incessant footfalls of pedestrians, people crossing the street, people waiting for the bus, people shopping, beggars, vendors, all kinds of faces to watch.

As always I was preoccupied in my head and was looking down at my feet as I walked. It was a stop I had made on my way home from work, so was listing my to-dos for the following night. Also, I have terribly tiny feet, and I am in perennial danger of being off balance on pot-holed roads. And potholes, they are aplenty on that particular track. I was double careful of not landing up on the poor flowers to my left.

Now here comes the climax of the story.


As I had almost gained a certain amount of rhythm to my walk, I was forcibly bunged in my track by someone. I suddenly felt being pulled away from the road, with two very strong hands clutching my own. I looked up to find myself staring into the eyes of a beautiful man wearing a sari (we call them hijra in India). She (yes, I call her a ‘she’ as she would only prefer it that way) was clad in sequined black chiffon. A heavily made up face with one day old stubble, a perfectly chiseled nose, under ached, penciled eyebrows and a scarlet pair of lips – there she was holding my arms in a vice like grip and smiling an angelic smile.

Image courtesy: Internet

My first encounter with the third sex.

“Ei sundori, dosh ta taka de na ekta sari kine pori” she said in a baritone heavily accented into a feminine drawl.

(Hello my lovely, give me ten bucks. Will buy a sari).

The fact is ten bucks will not ensure a sari, nor will any amount of begging on one single day. But reason had abandoned me and I was in a trance.
After what seemed like forever, I opened my wallet (yes, I don’t carry a purse) and brought out a ten rupee note.

“Arek ta dosh taka de na,” came the same inflected tone.

(Give me another ten rupee note).

I meekly obliged. Giving her another note.

She had released my arms by then and was blinking at me with extreme coyness. I quickly became aware of eyes watching the brief episode on the road side theatre. The shopkeepers were smiling at me, some had gathered around to watch the fun.

Maybe she realized that as much. She made a hasty retreat after touching my forehead and muttering a blessing in audible gibberish.

I was blessed!
The price being twenty rupees.

Now why am I writing this? This is nothing unusual now, is it? I have seen the third sex beg at traffic signals. Sometimes rolling down car windows I have given them money. I have even smiled at them.

Shakily.

Every time, making a mental note that the next time I come across one of them, I will speak to her and try to know their kind better.

Where does she live?
Why does she beg?
Does she even have a family?

Now when I had my chance, where was my bravado? Where was my tongue? Why couldn’t I touch her and bless her back? Why did I keep staring at her as if she was non-human? Why was I so scared?

Are we so unsure of the gender-less? Is all our social communication centered on the male-female construct? Is the world only mainstream for ‘normal’ people like us, who pretend to be great humanists outside but are really cowards within?

We are uncomfortable with anything that cannot be compartmentalized, categorized. We live gendered lives. We play roles expected of our genders. Boys are conditioned not to cry. Girls are told it is okay to cry, as it demonstrates their legitimate feminine-hood. All our relationships are weaved within and without this divide in mind.

I am no exception. That is why I didn’t know how to address this gorgeous person I met.

Coming home, I googled “eunuch” to find out more.
Research surprised me.

As much as they are repressed currently, they were historically not always so marginal. Some of the ancient civilizations have records of the third sex rising to huge power, sometimes leading the army in wars, sometimes guarding the door to the king’s personal chamber. And then found, how even in the height of their power, they were easy targets of a male-female dominated society. Mostly castrated, they offered the least risk of producing any heir, so no dynasty to usurp the throne. Sex-less, they were trusted with guarding the harem full of royal wives.

Of course, there was brutality against them in ancient times too, I shudder as I read more. Castration was punishment against several offences. It was used against prisoners of war to create forced laborers. More often than not, I learned, eunuchs are born as perfect males – only that they choose to cross-dress – accepting themselves as women trapped inside male bodies. However, disfigured or irregular genitalia also ensures access to the tribe – though castrated ones still believed to be the purest form of the “hijra”.

They are considered auspicious in popular culture. They offer comic relief to the bystanders. They dance, sing, come uninvited to weddings and birthing ceremonies. In many cultures, they are invited to bless the new bride or the male child. Being sexless, either by choice or by biology, their libidinal energy is believed to have channelized elsewhere – their power to blow miracles into lives.

I wonder if the energy can be channelized into better things. 'Hijra' is a Hindi loan word, derived from the Arabic root 'hjr' in its sense of "leaving one's tribe". I am thinking if the tribe here is the tribe of normally gendered folks, born with regular genitalia? Or folks who behave as the civilized human world demands them to behave? Or dress according to the codes handed down?

The KamaSutraa calls them tritiya prakriti, the third sex. So where does that leave us? A close second, or is the coinage strictly attributable to Beauvoir alone?

We women, the second sex. My charmer at Golpark, the third sex.


Equality, you seem to have evaded us all!


***********************************

In defence of the biggest bong bash

You don't like Durga Puja?

Hmmm...I understand your disenchantment with all things flimsy and frivolous, your apathy for a country steeped in poverty and yet spending crores for a mere festival.

Let me write a few words in defence of Durga Puja and all the mayhem in its name for you.

Chandidas Pal is busy giving final touches to his idols in Kumartuli, the potters’ colony in North Kolkata. Bhabesh Pal works in Baishnabghata, under polythene sheets serving as roof to his Durga idols lined up for the finishing strokes. The smell of wet soil, straw and incense sticks envelop you as you stand watching the gods and their pets take shape under the skillful fingers of the clay sculptors. A young man in a lungi stands a few feet away with a satin cloth in his hand, waiting. Moments later, he helps Bhabesh fold the cloth into pleats of the exact measures. Then you watch mesmerized as the pleated sari is nailed onto Durga’s sculpture as effortlessly as you would drape a sari around yourself. The same process follows for Lakshmi and Saraswati. The ones for Kartik and Ganesh are relatively easy, since all they wear is the fabric as a dhoti around their middle.

An artist at Kumartuli (Source: Internet)

Great hordes of artistes come to the city in flocks to do what they do best. Modeling figurines of the gods and goddesses, ahead of the festive season in West Bengal.

Do you think they come for the money alone?

You are wrong.

The sheer love and passion that mark their faces as they mold the clay feet, as they stick the false curls of hair, as they paint the benevolent eyes and lips of the models are unmistakable. And the love-affair runs through generations.

The artisans have a head contractor, an artist himself, who help them find these jobs at various workshops. 15-20 artists work in each workshop under the supervision of the contractor. They get paid on per diem basis – ensuring they have enough to take home, even after they have bought their kids new clothes for the puja in their village.

Not just in West Bengal.

Artists like Sanatan Pal have been going to Delhi and Andhra for the same purpose for the last decade. Pal along with his three sons and his nephew work on the idols in Delhi and come home with enough cash to go a year round. With more and more Pujo organizers willing to experiment with new styles and themes in modeling their idols, it is never a boring job for the artisans. And they are not afraid to learn new nuances and techniques.

Same with the pandal makers. Pandals are not straightforward bamboo squares cloaked in coarse cloth anymore. I spoke to the ones who have come to work on our society pandal. It’s been a month now that they have made our society their home. They cook, clean, sleep, play cards and listen to Radio Mirchi right under my bedroom window. Sometimes I marvel at squeals of laughter coming from the top of the pandal, which they climb, as nimble-footed as monkeys to tie the bamboos up. In the Hindustan Park pandal, which is slowly taking shape of an old temple, I speak to some craftsmen, who welcome me inside the pandal to show off proudly what they have done. I can’t stop beaming. They are simple village men. They do not know the etiquette of the city breds. One boy grabs my hand and pulls me aside to show the intricate pillar they are working on.

Hindustan Park Puja pandal work  in progress, 2013

Then there are the dhaakis. I remember as a child, I had once remarked to my friend, Mamon, while watching the drummer dance to his own beats that the poor fellow must be so tired of it. My friend had reminded me quickly that he was doing what he enjoyed the best.

“Look at the man’s face,” she had said.

Drops of sweat rolling down his face, his clean white shirt was wet too. But the smile was infectious. He was dancing around like a man possessed. Other men of the local club were dancing with the dhunuchi as well.

Yes, surely he was a farmer in some remote village? Just ahead of the Durga Puja, flocks of these local percussionists migrate cityward. In Kaalighaat, they line up the road, beating their drums, hoping to be picked up for the four-day-long festivities. Organizers all over India also make a beeline for the Kolkata dhaakis and bring them over looking after their travelling, boarding and lodging expenses.

The dhaakis playing in a band

Now they charge up a sum between Rs 15,000 to Rs 20,000 for just 4 days. Something they would never dream of making by just poughing the fields of Birbhum, the village in West Bengal where they mostly come from. It is a hereditary profession, most men turning dhaakis only during these occasions like Durga Puja, Kali Puja, and Jagadhatri Puja. Some even work as labourers and rickshaw pullers all year round.

“Didi, there is no dearth of work back home but we can’t earn as much as we do here” - Manik, our dhaaki from last year had said to me.

I can go on endlessly just to explain to you, how this one festival comes as a benign blessing to the poor in my country.

Electricians, who light up the streets and the pandals; the truckers, who deliver the idols right in time; the bearers, who lift and carry the heavy idols to the pedestals and then back again to the Ganges for the immersion; the bamboo providers; the concept artist behind the themes; the musicians, who play at various Pujos; the painters and designers, who work on the Puja adverts and hoardings; the textile weavers, who work non-stop to provide the shops with the right amount of products; the sound engineers, who make sure the decibels hit just right; the goldsmiths, who work overtime to present the new jewelry designs just before the season arrives; the pujaris, who do the actual worshiping; the fruit vendors, who supply the fruits for the Prasad; the florists, who bring in the huge garlands; the thakurs, who work up the bhog; the street food sellers, who lace the roads to feed the hungry mouths out pandal-hopping; the chai-wallahs, the ice-cream man, the candyfloss man, the phuchka-walla,the alookabli-ghoogni walla,  the men at the egg-roll stall, the moira at the sweet shops, the road side volunteers, who help to steer the crowd – the beneficiaries of the Pujo are endless to count.

Oh, and did I forget to mention the tourism industry that flourishes at this time too? :)

Lights, sound, crowd and action!

Most organizations also carry out charity activities during the Pujas. We do this at our society and know of many that also follow this ritual. For a country as poor as ours, I know nothing ever adds up to the huge resource gap that has been created. Centuries of colonization, following political upheavals, the wars, the partition, the current corruption – all have added its share to the current mess that my country is in. Add to that the ignominy showered on women in the shape of rapes and infanticides. Does it not ring somewhere as hollow that we worship a female deity, while we fail to protect our women from the demons inside our borders?

You bet it does, but it also means that somewhere there is hope. We recently had an anti-abuse campaign with the Durga idols carrying marks of violence with battered lips and eyes. We have had a huge media uproar to the Delhi rape case. Women have taken to the street to protest against the Park Street rape case. We are seeing women empowerment on the rise even in villages. Rapes, which would otherwise go unregistered earlier, are being noted down at police stations. Women are no longer ashamed of walking into the OC’s chamber, demanding that an FIR be written for rape.

The Abused Goddess campaign (Source: Internet)

We still have casualties. Remember rapes happen in every country. Some come in the news, some don’t.

Should that stop us from celebrating the power in women?

My city’s pujo is not a personal matter of mere merry-making to me. When I match my jewelry from a shop that sells hand-made stuff by handicapped craftspeople, I know I am adding someone’s special touch to my finery. Pujo is not just a waste.

It is an industry that supports millions of poor artisans in my country. It gives them a platform of expression, an edifice to show off their art to not only to the pandal hoppers, but to the entire world. We have prizes announced in various categories for the best pujos – by many brands. Every prize is a token of the appreciation for their art. Mostly it is mythology, folk lores, and legends that is represented through rural art everywhere – so in a way, it is ensuring that the coming generations don’t lose touch with their ancient agrarian roots. And not just Hindu myth. I remember noticing the entire story of Buddha’s life etched in terracotta in one of Jodpur Park’s pandals in 2011.

Cool, is it not?

Last month IBN news announced that West Bengal's Durga puja industry is growing at a compound annual growth rate (CAGR) of about 35 percent and is expected to touch Rs.40,000 crores by 2015 from its current size of Rs.25,000 crores. I know that some amount of that will trickle down to the ones who need it the most.

http://ibnlive.in.com/news/bengals-durga-puja-industry-to-touch-rs40000-crore-in-2015/420706-3-231.html

I can’t stop smiling!

Bring it on!

Shopping with Maa Durga

This Saturday is special. I am taking Maa pujo-shopping today.

Is it true that daughters grow up too soon, faster than even sons do? For I keep hearing this from my parents.

It feels just like yesterday that Maa took me out shopping at the New Market. The Dakshinapan at Dhakuria was another great option in our days. Air-conditioned malls were still a few years away. The fact is, it did not really matter to me if it was an AC or a non-AC haunt. What mattered was the excitement of a boisterous and a loud Pujo coming, of holding onto Maa’s hands while she helped me out of the taxi, of seeing sparkingly lit shops displaying dazzling wares behind glass doors, of trying out new clothes and shoes, of eating out at fancy restaurants or maybe just grabbing a quick treat at the Friends cafe. Weekend outings were not in vogue in my days and that is why, this annual shopping trip was a rare blessing. It was sheer delight and the anticipation during the run-up to the day.

The outside of the New Market of Kolkata

And mind you, no amount of walking from shop to shop could tire me of the experience. On any other day, I would either nag to be picked up or ask for a rickshaw, but no, not on the shopping day.

I was inducted pretty early into the industry. Of shopping.

Maa would always dress me in pretty short frocks so that the frilly knickers underneath would show. She made sure, when she stitched the dresses herself that the designs from her European tailoring books were followed accurately. Not that she was a seamstress by profession but she just had this brilliant knack for fashion designing.

Well, of course I resented being dolled up in patterns of roses, tulips, lollies, and teddies - skimpy affairs with huge collars, pockets, and belts. Not to mention the matching clips and hairbands, which would mostly be buried inside the curly thickness atop my head. But back in our days we had not learned to express our opinions strongly. It is, however, another thing that wherever I went in those dresses made by her, I would always stand apart simply because of the uniqueness of my outfits. And I was a pretty kid too (there, I said it…but please note the past tense :P).

I particularly remember one skirt which had a matching top made of the same fabric. The interesting fact about that one was the tiny stretch of emptiness that was measured to show in between. The top would end baring cute baby fat around the middle while the skirt would start below the belly button. It was meant to be like that. I was a child of course, and did not find the skin-show embarrassing. But I found the dress incomplete, half-done, if you like. I remember tugging and pulling at the top hoping for it to grow a magical length.

"Maa eta choto hoye geche" (Maa, I think I am too big for this)
I would whine.

"Naa babu eta eirokom i" (Nope darling, it is meant to be like this)
Maa would shake her designer head, obviously lamenting her daughter’s utter lack of aesthetic sense.

Now it is the other way round.

When I buy her saris today I often hear her complain "Eta abar kirokom design, ordhek net, ordhek silk, abaar anchol jute?" (What kind of a design is it, half net, the other half silk and the rest of it jute?”)

It is now my turn to tell her "eta erokom i" (it is meant to be like this).

So I am going to be her shopping guide and chaperone for today. I want to make this day special for her. I want her to enjoy every moment of it. Not that I am paying back or anything. For I know, she is someone I can never repay my debts to. I want to do it for selfish reasons.

I want to bask in the sight of her choosing her colors, textiles and prints. I want to gift myself this special sight of her laughing with her head thrown back in simple joys of her daughter’s company. The daughter, who is so caught up with life that she never finds time to visit her ageing parents. The daughter, who feels guilty every moment for not having done anything for the duo, who not only raised her, but raised her well enough to be called a ‘super mommy in training’ by her friends and colleagues.

Pujo ashche. Maa ashchen.

Durga Puja at Victoria Greens

For me my Maa Durga is my biological mother, notwithstanding her weaknesses that would never make her pick up arms against a Mahishasura. I like to think she is a softer, calmer version of the goddess, minus the weapons and the lethal pets.

With a daughter like me, who needs the lion?
What say, friends?

Men are watched too

Trick was everyday
To keep her on a leash
In her place,
Working on the shame
Of being seen.

She would not scream
Lest they called her names.
Hers was a small village
Of known faces and names.
Of close ties
And gazes.

Soon she saw her chance.
Chancing upon his kingdom
To fly away.

He would not hold her hand,
His kins watching.
He had different loyalty to prove,
Of course.

*************

Vintage woman

They don't say anything about vintage women
In photos wearing faces gone out of fashion.
Faces fade, photos stick longer
Tokens of old links
To an exiled past
In memory, another territory
In family albums.
Who's that face?
No one call tell anymore.
Unsettling replacements, is life all about.

Vintage

Red sari at RahmanIshq!

One word of advice from a bruised soul. If you are an ardent admirer of a musician and if his/her concert is announced somewhere in your city, please try and avoid the disillusionment in watching him/her perform on stage. For the sake of your admiration to continue.

I was at the Salt Lake stadium last Tuesday on October 1 to watch one of my favorite composers, A. R. Rahman perform with his team. Names like Sukhwinder and Javed Ali were magnets strong enough to have pulled me in that direction. Plus, I had never been in an open air concert before. If you discount the JU Sanskriti concerts, which had us romping like mad kittens in jeans.

All my concert experience has been a string of closed door affairs inside the Kala Mandir and other indoor auditoriums, with soft seats cushioning my steadfast bulk, while I swayed ever so slightly to the tune played on stage. This, was a different story altogether.

The skies had decided to adopt untimely rain clouds for a week just to humor the monsoon a little longer before the autumn sunshine set in. Blame it all on depression, that affective disorder that often hits me as well. So hard on the insides, that I know it can be a challenge to contain the flow – of Gangetic rains or lachrymal tears.

So what I am saying, it was a rainy evening, and I heard my son ask:
“Maa will they cancel?”
“Na, babu, they have charged 2000 per ticket, so they must have made some arrangements.”

So we set out boldly, me in a red sari, and long danglers, hoping Rahman will spot me in the crowd, and send an appreciative nod floating through the electric air. It never struck me as odd that for an open air concert in pounding rain, plastic overalls could have been a better choice. Again, I blame it on my memory of my mother decking herself up in all her finest fineries for the jalsas and mushairas that my father took her to. Genes, I say they fuck you up, big time!

So as I was saying, we set out, very brave, praying that the rain will stop and the ushers will whisk us off to privileged seats next to the stage. 4000 bucks to me is not a small sum, you see. I told myself that if the richer folks, that is, those who had forked out 5000 for a ticket, are seated in front of us, maybe Rahman would have to crane his head to catch the show of my sparkly danglers. As a back-up plan, I had also stuck a big red bindi on my forehead, as a better landmark to stand me out in a musical mob. It was an unmistakable token of my effort to prepare for the event.

The E M Bypass, the road which takes me from my home to Salt Lake, looked like a snake congested with undigested food. Traffic was a nightmare.

The E.M. Bypass on that day

It took me a minute to realise that everyone in the city was headed for the concert and chances were, we would have to fight our way through to even find a parking spot. Undaunted, and even energized with a mental image of me clutching my son’s arm in one hand, dragging him through the crowd and using my other hand to steer the butt of my umbrella into making an invisible path just to let us pass, I saw myself as a very believable version of Moses merging into Durga. You just had to replace the trident with the pointed umbrella handle in your mind. I am good at making these replacements. In mind.

After an hour of huffing and puffing, venting out an incredible volume of frustrated breath at the lack of infrastructure in my city, the complete incompetence of the traffic police, we reached the nearest point to the venue. They had reserved vehicle parking only for the VIPs. We parked at a darkened spot, straight down the roundabout, closest to Gate no. 1. Jumping out of the car, checking the watch to see if we were late, asking the reps of the West Bengal police umpteen times: “dada kon deeke?" (Which way, bro?), we reached the right gate. Holding the sari pleats in one hand just the right bit away from the spongy mud and brandishing the tickets in another (the umbrella had taken a wet refuge inside my bag, how I wished I had at least one more hand then) we got inside the gate.

Into the stadium I stood aghast! Where were we supposed to sit? There were people sitting on plastic Neelkamal chairs, people standing – inside an iron cage. The cage designated the area for all the two-thousanders!

So this was supposed to be my area of privilege. But where were the chairs? Someone told me, you have got to get your own chair and for a moment I wondered why didn’t I think of getting a few from home?
Picture this, now. Completely devastated with the un-royal treatment despite my pricy tickets, my red silk sari no longer rustling dry due to the mud splattered on the fall of its pleats, my son asking in a small voice: “Maa, where is Rahman?”, with people pushing me aside into an even muddier grass patch, my heels sinking into the slosh, I was ready to cry.

But the spirit prevailed.

I didn’t believe my situation could be as bad and decided that it was all a mistake. I was surely meant to have a seat? A little asking around shattered my optimism and I was convinced that I was no longer the chosen one in Rahman’s land. In the dark, I couldn’t even figure out the stage, which was an aeon away from where I stood. When the lights came on stage I realized I will have to watch the man on the screens they had put up all around.

My boy asked: “Maa, this is like watching the TV in the rain.”

I agreed within but replied: “Imagine your luck, Rahman is standing just a few feet away”. I thanked God that my son hadn’t yet learned the exact measure of those “few feet”!

As we stood watching Rahman sing the first song and say “Nomoshkaar Kolkata, you rock!” I was accosted by two very hormonal teens, who asked me to go and stand at the back, because I was obstructing their view.

Ummm...let me see if I can identify the musicians on stage

I asked for a chair, to that that they said: “Aapni deri kore eschechen, ekhon chair nei, aapnar dosh. Go stand at the back!” (You were late, so there are no chairs, your falult!)

Something inside me snapped. Here I was looking at two budding men, who did not even see that I was standing in the mud with a kid, craning my stub of a neck just to see, who was singing. And here there were two very tall guys, who were shouting at me.

I said: “I am sorry, but I am not leaving.”

To my horror the guys came and stood in front of me, trying to block my view saying: “Dekhi apni ki kore dekhen, apnake dekhte debona” (We’ll see how you watch the show, we won’t let you”).

The thing is, they were so tall that had they just stood behind me, they could have managed the whole show just fine, but they had chairs, that too, on an elevation. All they had to do was bring their chairs to the open space where I was standing. There were ample space to place chairs there, but some people just like to fight for no reason. Instead of dodging, I began clapping my hands to the music. Looking back they realized they had taken on a mighty opponent. So they left. Came back soon with a policewoman, who asked me to sit down. I graciously responded, that I only wanted to sit, but when they had charged 2000 for a ticket, shouldn’t they have at least thought of providing plastic chairs – if not in surplus, but I am sure they had a count of tickets sold?

The officer left without a word. Soon I was joined by many more, who had no option but to stand. I had made up my mind to leave after just one more song, when I noticed someone vacate a chair in front. As I grabbed it, I soon found one more for my son. The guy next to me had a smelly shirt, the guy sitting in front of me was so tall that I had to play hide-and-seek across his head. Vendors kept selling crisps, tea, jhalmuri, adding to the human curtain before me. One chaiwallah stepped on my toes, one snack-seller dropped his damp sack on my lap as if I was sitting there to play catch. Women hooted like owls every time someone even nondescript came on stage. That’s how they greet musicians on stage, maybe. I am old school, and I only clap. Sometimes I forget to applaud. But only when the music has moved me too deep for words.

But we sat through – not because we had to make good use of our money. I heard Rahman go off key in some songs – jarring my ear drums more than once. I saw them playing Rahman videos, which had Aishwarya Rai and Sonam Kapoor looking cute in them. Sukhwinder was possibly too drunk to have given his best. Javed Ali and Harshdeep Kaur were the only ones to strike pleasant notes in the air. It was a very average show.

I hadn’t come for this.

But then Rahman was at the harmonium, playing Khwaja Mere Khwaja from Jodha Akbar and Kun Fayya Kun from Rockstar. I looked around to find everyone singing along.

These are religious Islamic songs and I saw a heavily sindoored Hindu woman singing them with her eyes shut.

Rahman at the piano

And then it hit me.

All these people who were singing along, possibly didn’t realize that they were singing religious chants, swimming with the tide of global music. Rahman is an international figure now, and to me he represented the universal religion of music. Music doesn’t divide between Hindus and Muslims, between Christians and Buddhists.

We fight over chairs, over tickets, over blocking each others’ ways.

I came back sobered. Sometimes you need a blow to your face to change the direction you are looking at. It wasn’t a fantastic concert. I have promised never to attend another in my life, unless I transform overnight into a VIP or can afford a posh seat, where my bindi and my earrings become conspicuous enough to the singing sensations on stage. But I swear I had learnt a lesson once again in humility.

********************

The finale was well. Dining at Afraa in City Center I, where my red sari, red bindi and my fake diamond danglers could display themselves in full glory. Picture attached below for you:

Yours truly at Afraa, waiting for dinner to be served

Woman in the washroom

I was in the women's washroom of my office an hour ago. Since I work for a European consulting major, they make sure employees have the swankiest of facilities. So the washroom has an automatic air-spray that keeps any unpleasant odor away. Two female attendants are constantly supervising the floors for water droplets left behind by users. We have moisturizing handwash dispensers at every basin, ejaculating pink floral perfumed crème into our hands for sanitary purposes. Mirrors line the long walls adjacent to the long polished granite basin stands. And a long mirror graces another wall for dressing purpose.

I have often run into women huddled together over make-up kits, applying lavish amounts of foundations, lipsticks, eye-shadows and every other kind of cosmetic color on their faces and necks. Sometimes I have come across teams of disgruntled girls, discussing the “bossy” boss or the “bitchy” friend. Character assassination done in a group, serves as a great unifier, so I have seen – drawing collective solace in dissecting someone’s marital life, or wondering why so-and-so is not getting married yet.

No, don’t get me wrong. I am not an eavesdropper.

I am just an observer of people. I like looking at people’s hands while they speak animatedly. I love watching people watch other people, as their faces change lines. I love looking inside people's homes when the curtains are slightly permissive. But only, while I have no thinking to do. I am usually a thoughtful person – not in a positive sense at all. I mean, I think a lot.

So my next door friends, Kakoli and Tintin often accuse me of not noticing them passing me by in the neighborhood, even when they have made every effort to draw my attention. Yes, I am often lost in my own thoughts. So, do not assume that I am a nosy parker.

Accidental observations, who can help? But yes, when I am watching, I am paying good attention. And I am smart (or so I think) and the likelihood of me missing a detail is very slim. So as I was saying, the washroom of my organization makes for some interesting themes.

Only today, I witnessed something disturbing.

Sobs.

Yes, sobs - in gulps, in gurgles, in sniffs. Uncontrollable. Coming from inside of a pristinely white wash cubicle. I tried to pay attention to my hands. I was getting ready to go down for lunch. My friends were waiting outside. Please note, I have more male friends than female, so they do not have access to the washroom that I use. So we do follow the daily ritual of cleansing our hands in gender designated spaces before going down to eat. And I had got in to do just the same. I turned on the stainless steel tap in full force, so that the sound of the water would drown the one that was coming from inside, as I thought hard.

Should I wait for the person inside to come out and make an appearance? Not of course, because I want to identify the face for future gossip reference, but just in case she needed help. I washed my hands. Plucked a cleaning tissue from the Kimberley Clarke contraption on the wall, I wiped my hands clean and waited. I texted my lunch-mates to go ahead to the cafeteria, citing a toilet emergency as excuse. After a while, the sobs stopped. I heard the click of the door and looking at the mirror, caught sight of a red-eyed girl emerge. She was so engaged in her misery that she did not notice me staring at her reflection. She was still taking sharp short breaths, clearly in shock.

“Are you alright?” I asked.
“Yes, I am, thanks.” she said managing a weak smile. “I am sorry for being so silly.”
“No, you were not being silly. Just human. Do let me know if you need any help”

It is a strange but a common trait among women that you can suddenly open up to a stranger in a washroom. And so she did. She told me of a boyfriend. A guy who works as a software engineer.

“He is a good guy. Loves me a lot.” Her shy smile stretched her lips into a beautiful upward arch.

“I am sure he does.”

“He is just so possessive that I cannot talk with any other guy. I wore a tight pair of jeans yesterday and he was still lashing out at me for flaunting my legs to the public. And, oh yes, he doesn’t let me wear lipstick. He says, only whores wear lip colors. Whores, who get raped and very deservedly, he says. Of course, he has my best interest in mind. With so many rapes happening around, why attract further attention? So i don't blame him but I just got a little emotional in there.”

She said all that in one long breath, or so it seemed to me. Too quick in her beau’s defense.

I stood there. Motionless. Wordless.
I leaned on the basin pedestals for support.

I was looking at a victim.

Of what?
Domestic abuse?
Too much love?
Of best intentions gone sour?

What was I looking at? A fresh engineer out of college, who had dreams of setting up home with a man. Happiness and freedom. Comfort and respect?

But this man? Surely not?

I decided not to speak a word. I patted her back and said: “Things will work out, one way or the other. And oh yes, one more thing. Tell your boyfriend that whores are women with a profession just like you and I. They do not deserve to get raped.”

As I walked out to be met by a very worried looking crowd of my male colleagues, who demanded to know what was wrong with me or if I needed any medicine, I shook my head into a silent ‘no’. We marched toward the glass door.

For my friends, who are right now in an abusive relationship that apparently parades as a “caring” one, or are witnessing someone else go through this, I am posting a few links.

Please, please take a moment to read.

It is about making your own choice. Not letting anyone else make yours.

Be it a lipstick or a backless top.

Note: All images sourced from the internet.
-----------------------------------------------------

1. http://www.sheknows.com/love-and-sex/articles/1008571/8-signs-youre-in-a-dangerous-relationship

2. http://www.livestrong.com/article/101671-danger-signs-possessive-relationships/

3. http://www.womansavers.com/dangerous-men.asp